Sarah. -- about my anger.  Remember how you surprised yourself  when you realized you were angry about the whole situation. I guess Friday was my moment. I had been a 'good patient'. Had gone through the radiation without much complaint and discovered I was not finished. I was still a patient, and I didn't feel like being good any more. I was angry when we had to wait. I was angry at the organization which broke down when my chart was 'lost'. When I was made to come 1/2 hour early for drawing blood when there was no one there to do it; when the phlebotomist on the other side knew nothing about me and my paperwork didn't tell her what to do, nor did I know what she was supposed to do. All the little events conspired to make me feel a cog in the wheel, which was stuck and not moving.

We saw the doctor.  He delivered hope. His nurse’s manner seemed to say her job was maintenance of a disease that was going to get the better of me, and I sure was mad at her for that.